Is this the Shmoo life? Is this just fantasy?

dear god how do I manage to do these things to myself? 

Jury duty is fucking me up, and it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all if my new job wasn’t starting on the SAME DAY.

Dumb me didn’t realize it said “for the week of 2/21” and just assumed that it was for tomorrow, which I have off. I was like “ok, I can be there no problem.” I’m listening to the recording, and she’s like “Juror #s 32834737483687534 need to call back tomorrow night after 5.” 

Me: “NOOOOOO I have to go TOMORROW. I can’t call back tomorrow!!!!”

Basically, I’m either going to get arrested of fired.

ok, nothing that dramatic, but how do I always manage to get myself in these situations?! hahaha